If we move it, they will come (and I’ll be warm)

There’s been a lot of discussion about the possibility of constructing a multi-purpose facility in Gonzales County called the Texas Center, to help house refugees during hurricane season and to play host to a wide variety of other events the rest of the time.
The argument generally devolves into the proverbial vicious circle.
There are those who maintain that having the Texas Center in town could help attract everything from music acts to conventioneers, which would of course help local business. The flip side of that argument is that we don’t have enough hotel space, restaurants or shopping venues to handle that kind of crowd. And without the music acts and conventioneers, you can’t attract more businesses like hotels and restaurants.
Some maintain that we already have one facility that attracts a lot of events but doesn’t help anyone out financially: J.B. Wells. It’s been pointed out that the cowpokes and show-horse debutantes who attend events there often bring their own quarters and chow with them and turn their noses up at exploring our historic little town.
After sitting through a bone-chilling evening of watching softball Tuesday, I believe I’ve come up with a proposal which could satisfy everyone concerned: let’s move the Astrodome here.
You guys think I’m kidding, don’t you?
When the folks in Lake Havasu City, Ariz., started casting about for a way to attract visitors to their little corner of the desert, they didn’t build a new barn. They went out and bought London Bridge. The storied English span was taken apart and reassembled brick by brick and is now a huge tourist attraction.
The dunderheads over in Harris County, when they decided they needed a bigger stadium to attract another NFL team and built Reliant Staduium, they didn’t really have a plan on what to do with the Astrodome -- and, last I heard, still hadn’t come up with any workable ideas. So for several years now, the Eighth Wonder of the World has been sitting in the shadow of Reliant, vacant -- and costing the county hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in maintenance.
The Arizonans carried a bridge thousands of miles and reconstructed it. I’m willing to bet Texans can do the same with a domed stadium.
We know the Astrodome can accomplish the same thing they want the Texas Center to do: house hurricane evacuees. The Dome was the first Texas home for many Katrina refugees.
Over the years, the Dome hosted everything from NBA games to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo to major concerts to world-class boxing bouts. Billy Graham even did a couple of crusades there, I believe.
But what use, you will ask, does a county of 18,000 people have with an arena that will comfortably accomodate 50,000 or more?
I anticipated that question.
Think about our geography, and then think “football.” San Antonio, Corpus Christi and Victoria don’t have professional football teams, but between the three of them and Austin, we’re looking at a population of some five and a half million people within two hours’ drive. Houston is three hours away. Austin’s professional team doesn’t play in the NFL.
Yes: we could host an NFL team.
Once again, you’re shaking your heads, I know. I can hear the question: “We’re having trouble funding the building of the Texas Center, and now you want to talk about moving a domed stadium AND buying an NFL team?”
Well, sure. The Astrodome will be cheap to buy, and it’s for sale. The Oakland Raiders are the worst team in the NFL playing in the worst market in the NFL; they’ll also be cheap.
Funding is easy. Just have Senators Kay and John hold out for a deal on the health-care bill the way Nebraska did. I’m sure we could convince the fool Yankees to dole out $80 million or so in “Central Texas Stimulus Funding” in exchange for our two senators’ vote on a bill our state legislature is going to nullify anyway.
As I covered the softball game Tuesday, with my fingers slowly going numb while I lost all feeling in my toes, the idea of moving the Astrodome here made more and more sense.
Gonzales would wind up with another historic structure to add to its collection, we’d have an almost instantaneous massive influx of new business ... and I’d get a seat in a nice, warm, temperature-controlled press box.